Courage and the love of life

I am a woman like so many. I am part of a family, of a school, of a job. I grew up in two countries, one warm like the sun and the other cold like the snow. Since I can remember I have tried to please everyone, my parents, my grandparents, sisters, in summary, my family. In school you try to adapt, be the way it is “expected” of you to be, the way your mother, your sister is, be like the popular girls or the smartest ones, always using them as an example. Does anyone ask who you are? What you want? What are your hopes and dreams? At an early age I realised that life is full of expectations, of comparisons and criticism. It does not matter, whatever you do, there will always be someone who is not satisfied with your actions. Being so far into this world, I did not see the love that surrounded me, from the people that DO love me, that do value me and that accept me the way I AM.

From when we are young, we grew up thinking that if we can please others, meet their expectations, they will love and value us for what we have achieved, ooh! It is a hard life to lead and it makes it hard to be yourself. Let’s talk about puberty years, when the expectation is that you become a flower, tall, thin, with breasts and more, a prototype for success. You start to doubt yourself and we open the door to insecurity. The boy of your dreams does not see you and you feel like you will never find someone who loves you. The only thing you see are your flaws, what other people criticise of you, the jokes others make at your expense.

No one talks about “this”, it is only when opportunity strikes, that it is used against you. Your courage and love towards yourself start to fade until you feel worthless, and you are happy with anything in front of you, a job you don’t want, a man that does not love you or value you. You do not see it, because to your eyes, you do not deserve anything better than what you have.

Time to break those chains!

Chains are those that we lock on ourselves since we are little, because we did not understand and it was not explained to us, a comparison, a criticism, jealousy, envy, fear, anxiety, false doors like alcohol, anorexia and drugs.

I searched and found the way that for me is the right one! Thanks to meditation and the method of 5 minutes I said NO MORE. I started to have an awakening, to be at peace with who I am, to find self-worth and learned to love myself, inside and out. That worth and love that I found in others was always inside of me. I lived for over 22 years a slave to other people’s expectations, which most of the time were not real, it was what I thought others expected of me. I spent 22 years thinking I was not worth anything, that no one loved me, that it was okay if people stepped all over me, that it was ok if I had to pretend my whole life to “be happy and have a plentiful life”. My life was empty, I felt alone and like a 1 pence coin. Little and worthless.

I let out the WOMAN I really AM and let out the light of every day with joy and optimism. First with my partner, I realised that he did not leave, he was still there, still next to me, from the start he saw my worth. Then with my friends, some of them left and I understood that they were never really my friends, the ones that stayed, I know they are friends and I will have them my whole life. In the end with family, I have left behind thoughts of what will they say and all opinions they might have of me.

Now my worth is clear to me; I love myself, I know myself inside and out.

Now I have the strength to say NO to the things that I do not find enjoyable.

Now I run away from toxic people that only want to see me fall.

Now I know my worth and I do not run behind people who do not want to be part of my life.

Now I love myself head to toe.

Now I understand that my life is worth something, like all others. Your life’s worth, it is given by yourself. Do not let anyone tell you how much it is or it is not worth. You know it, it is in you.