Free Yourself and Cut the Chains

A couple of months ago I realised that happiness depends on ourselves and depends a lot on our freedom. These last few months I learned to free myself from my own chains.

What exactly does it mean?

Being the youngest one in my family, I have been spoiled and have been given everything. From the beginning I chose to step back and not take any responsibility. I preferred to keep the peace, to be a good daughter and to stay in "my world", which for me was a "perfect" world. I had everything planned: getting married, having children, a house, etc.

**What happened during all these years? **

All the things that happened in my life, the arguments with family, with friends, thinking about what people will say, worried me a lot, but I chose to remain silent and keep my opinion to myself, to avoid chaos or discussions. Each time I was filled with anger, sadness, jealousy, resentment and I was accumulating it, but I never said anything. And many times I asked myself: what will people say, if I tell them what I think? So much time went by, until a couple of months ago I was shown that I carry within me all those emotions, I have carried them all my life. I preferred to put them in a box and "forget" about them, even if they were always there.

With time I understood that I had carried the past with me and this did not let me move forward. Little by little I began to write in a notebook everything I thought or bothered me, started talking to good friends and it was the only way to free all those thoughts. I started to travel with MSF and to discover new countries, cultures and meet new people. It was a total change, because people opened up, shared their stories, knowledge, opinions with me, and I became more and more interested.

What happened on the trips?

I felt free, very happy, I opened up more, I felt like I was myself without having to pretend or try to be someone else. It was a unique sensation!

But when I came back from a trip, some time later, I was the same person was before, until I realised I was choosing to stay in "my world."

On my last trip to Jerusalem with MSF, my goal was to free myself from those chains that I put on myself and didn't let me be happy or fly. Every day was a test, but every day I would write or talk and free myself from those negative thoughts or memories that I carried with me. At the end of the trip I decided to make amends with myself. I cried a lot and asked for forgiveness, for having caged and chained myself for so long, for having kept all these emotions for 22 years, for having banned my happiness and most of all for having forgotten what self-love is. It was also the first time I could talk to my sisters and tell them: I am no longer a little girl, who needs to have her problems solved, I have matured, I am an independent woman and I want to fly and leave the nest.

Now is the first time I can say from the heart and with respect what I think, to a friend, a sister, or a colleague and feel light. Before, I felt guilty or like a bad person and thanks to the help of La Jardinera those feelings are disappearing. Now to talk about my emotions is to have self-esteem and self-respect. Cutting my own chains has given me the freedom to live a healthy life and go on the right path. Feeling free has made me see that each one of us writes our own story, each one is responsible for their actions and each one is an individual being.