A Painful Divorce

Knowing that divorce was my bitter destiny and accepting the separation of the person I loved most above everything else, almost led me to death, I could not bear the suffering, I was facing my second divorce.

However, today I am grateful for the opportunity to write and share my experience, after having felt so close to death, I appreciate every second in this world.

Describing the most painful episode in my life with words is extremely difficult. The moment when my whole world fell apart, my worst fears materialised and I wanted to end my existence, the darkness and terror of the unimaginable was my imminent reality, with no opportunity to change course.

I am sure that no one is prepared to stop loving overnight, much less face the situations that can lead to divorce.

At the moment this situation arose, time stopped forever, marking a before and after in my life. From that moment on the clock started again, but every second weighed a ton and was a crushing blow that made me feel that each of my bones were breaking and that I only had the minimum breath of life, to wait for the next second.

For the first time I experienced absolute loneliness, the most overwhelming emotion of abandonment I could ever feel. And the dreadful echo "Why? It was an awakening into nothingness, aimless and without a reason to live, without a shelter or an escape.

But even though I saw my marriage vanish, somehow, I had to get myself to work, I tried to continue. The first week at work I remember that I stopped eating altogether. I wore dark glasses all day and avoided conversations, at any moment a tear escaped and arriving at my apartment was only the continuation of the nightmare, because it was the moment when I could cry without repressing myself, without having more strength to contain the crying and the suffering, without the possibility of being able to sleep and much less to rest.

After that week without sleeping or eating, resigned to the fact that my death could be my only escape, I began to feel how some of my organs were beginning to suffer rapid weight loss and the change in my skin color could not hide how bad I was inside and out.

However, just 6 months before I had registered to receive the special course called "Chakra 6", I remember having reached day 7 since the restart of my life, going to this course without the strength to drive, without hunger and without hope.

I was very embarrassed to attend such a special conference in my condition, in which it was impossible to hide my pain; my body, my face and my heart showed my suffering. However, I no longer had anything to lose and felt that it was only a matter of days, so that what I had left of life would vanish, because I had already given up fighting.

This course of Chakra 6 was the most difficult of all my life, I remember feeling that the armchair in which I was sitting was a prison where I could not move and felt the fatigue of my body of a week without sleeping, I was really twisting in pain. The 10 hours of the course were a great challenge, because I knew that I would not put in practice anything they said, after the course, I was going to end my life.

As if that wasn't enough, my mother was also sitting a few rows back, I hadn't told her anything about my situation, but when she saw me she realized how bad I was. The guilt of knowing the suffering I would cause her also added to my pain.

Hour after hour the course was held and with only three minutes left, La Jardinera spoke to me, said a few words and in 30 seconds gave me back my hope.

La Enseñanza was the new breath of life, so that the flame would not be extinguished. And although it was something so special, it was only the beginning of 9 more months of the greatest battle I have ever fought, in which crying, pain and suffering visited me daily, the only difference being that I wanted to live, heal and get up, move forward, discover myself and never be satisfied with just overcoming this suffering.

MSF showed me that service to others helps us heal ourselves. The support they gave me was crucial at specific times, I must also thank all the people that the universe put in my way, the messages and celestial support that manifested day by day.

The experience, as a result of the suffering I experienced, made me discover that I cannot stop fighting one day, forgive and see my responsibility without blaming anyone. This was vital to discovering all that I could improve.

I was not satisfied with overcoming the pain that those nine months of stumbling and relapses took me. I got up with more strength, today I have a year and a half since I was born to my wonderful life.

MSF, coupled with my life, my environment and my beliefs, came to give me the opportunity to serve and discover how beautiful it is to be able to help in any way to those who need it, because I know what it feels like to be on the side of those who need it.