Accepting the Situations You Have Created

We act like there's no cause and effect. We think the way we behave doesn't ever come back to us. We have a hard time taking responsibility for our actions and how this may hurt others. Constantly thinking about ourselves, we may start to believe that life is unfair, poor us, and we begin to ask ourselves: "What have I done to deserve this?"

This is what happened to me. When I was little, I always thought life had been unfair to me. That my family didn't love me, that my mother was very severe, that my sisters didn't understand me and that I was the poor, misunderstood, good one, the one who never did anything wrong, always with good intentions.

I kept a lot of anger towards life, towards my parents, towards my family; because i had been "unjustly treated", and every day there was only one side to the story. I created that story in my head by focusing on what I didn't have, instead of appreciating all the blessings life had given me.

And I experienced what I had once heard from La Enseñanza, that: The body truly has a voice. All that anger, pain and hate I had felt since I was a little girl turned into big stomach pain, which turned into a cyst in my stomach that needed surgery. It was the trip to Myanmar with La Jardinera that helped me truly understand what cause and effect is, and how we create our own future.

It was time for the operation. In my mind it would be easy, they would take out the part of my stomach that was not working well and then in the blink of an eye I would be home, eating, drinking and laughing as if nothing had happened. Obviously, this is not what happened.

The operation went well, but after a couple of days I started to feel sick, to throw up and I didn't understand what was going on. After 2 weeks I had to have another operation, because my intestine had twisted and wouldn't let any food through.

Things do not happen by chance. The first operation was planned, just how i've always thought my life to have been. I didn't count on the complication, I thought that because it was me, everything would be fine. But that wasn't my cause and effect.

I have always liked doing nothing, I am very lazy, and so I spent 4 weeks in a hospital bed, without being able to go out, without being able to walk, to enjoy, to work. I had to learn to appreciate life, appreciate everything I have, value my health, accept my cause and effect.

When I was little, I used to throw away food because I didn't like it, or because it was too much instead of eating it. And I had to go two weeks without eating, to learn what it is to go without food, what it is to appreciate food.

The first week I accepted it. I thought it would all pass, it would all pass quickly. As more days went by and I was still in the hospital, I found myself thinking: "well, enough now... I've accepted my situation so enough with the tests now" but we do not choose what our cause and effect is.

It is dictated by our past actions and the lessons we need to learn; the lessons that life brings to us. And I kept getting them, the patience, the medicines, the not eating. I had a hard time accepting it.

I always felt alienated from my family, but it was me who alienated them, it was me who created a barrier of hate around me, and it was them who were there, every day, visiting me and encouraging me as I went through my cause and effect.

Life gives us back our actions. We pay the bills that we have left unpaid during our lives. If we accept them and see them for what they are, we are not burdened to spend the time needed to right the balance.