Forget perfection

In March 2020 a very emotionally hard stage in my life began. I changed from a very relaxed, fun team to a team flooded with work, under a lot of pressure, with very perfectionist and very demanding team members. The perfect recipe for a completely dysfunctional team.

We got along well and did our work well, but we all expected perfection from each other and from ourselves, and having an impossibly high expectation, meant we couldn’t live up to it and this fed our insecurities, we gave each a tough time, we came up with more protocols and rules until the next problem happened and as a team we were in a destructive cycle.

It was a period where I was very angry at work, I felt unfairly treated, I felt that I was not valued, I felt insignificant. I also recognized that these were all signs of an inner problem; Then I would finish my day, I would meditate, I would return calmer, but 2 hours later I was already fuming.

There were several events that began to open my eyes to the reason for my discomfort, a very strong one was the privilege of a trip to Rose des Pyrénées in the summer with a beautiful group and having the opportunity to do the exercise of the Staircase of Emotions with La Jardinera and with Lucia. I am super grateful for those days and the work we did.

Listening to the messages from La Jardinera was such great help and in those difficult days, reading them cleared my mind, I was able to breathe again and put problems and emotions in perspective. They were and are a motivation to listen to the little voice that asks us to move and act.

The support network we have in Manos is an incredible gift, it was having a friend who told me things as simple as she saw them and feeling the anger and emotions that rose in me with her words, which later helped me understand that this anger and discomfort so great that I felt was due to:

1. Valuing myself based on the approval of others - a dangerous roller coaster where you are at the top or all the way in the bottom, depending on who you talk to that day.
2. Not wanting to see or accept my ability at work - if I am wrong, stop punishing myself, accept that i made a mistake and be able to learn the lesson. And leave behind the masochism, if I get something wrong it does not mean that I am worthless. Just stop fighting and accept.

Sometimes we lock ourselves in a prison of expectations, ours, those of others, those we think others have and we find ourselves sabotaging our own happiness. But in the same way that we lock ourselves up, we can let ourselves out, with a meditation to listen to our hearts, allowing ourselves to make mistakes without guilt or punishment, loving ourselves a little because we deserve to be happy.